THE ENGAGEMENT

TIE THE KNOT

The expression "tie the knot" comes from Roman times when the bride wore a girdle that was tied in knots which the groom had the fun of untying.

LEAP YEAR PROPOSALS

The right of every women to propose on 29th February each leap year, goes back many hundreds of years to when the leap year day had no recognition in English law (the day was ‘lept over’ and ignored, hence the term ‘leap year’). It was considered, therefore, that as the day had no legal status, it was reasonable to assume that traditions also had no status. Consequently, women who were concerned about being ‘left on the shelf’ took advantage of this anomaly and proposed to the man they wished to marry.

It was also thought that since the leap year day corrected the discrepancy between the calendar year of 365 days and the time taken for the Earth to complete one orbit of the sun (365 days and 6 hours), it was an opportunity for women to correct a tradition that was one-sided and unjust.

For those wishing to take advantage of this ancient tradition, you will have to wait until Tuesday 29th February in the year 2000.

ENGAGEMENT RING

The engagement ring is a promise for marriage. During the Roman era, the man had to "barter" for his future bride. The engagement ring was security for the "betrothed." As time went on, men presented diamond rings to future brides because a ring containing a diamond was considered more valuable than a plain gold band—thus, it is a stronger promise and offers more security. Diamond engagement rings were given by medieval Italians, because of their belief that the diamond was created from the flames of love.

BACHELOR PARTY

This was the last chance before his new wife took over the finances for the groom to gather money by gambling for his own future use. Ancient Spartan soldiers were the first to hold stag parties. The groom would feast with his male friends on the night before the wedding. There he would say goodbye to the carefree days of bachelorhood and swear continued allegiance to his comrades.

BRIDAL SHOWER

This custom came about when a father disapproved of his daughter’s marriage and refused to provide a dowry to the couple. The shower became the alternative to the dowry. Supportive villagers would assemble and provide the bride a variety of household items for her new home. Bridal showers were also meant to strengthen the friendships between the bride and her friends, give her moral support, and help her prepare for her marriage. The idea to give gifts is fairly new, dating from the 1890’s. At one shower, the bride’s friend placed small gifts inside a Japanese parasol, and then opened it over the bride’s head so all of the presents would "shower" over her. When word of this hit the fashion pages, people were so charmed, they decided to do the same at their showers.

DOWRY/HOPE CHEST AND TROUSSEAU

There was a time when marriage would include some exchange of property between the families of the bride and groom. The groom’s family would pay a price to the bride’s family for the bride. The bride’s family in turn would provide the couple with a dowry of various household items for their new home. As a bride planned for her future marriage, she would supplement this dowry with her own items that she collected or made (i.e. embroidered linens). All items would be kept in a special Hope Chest built by the bride’s father for the purpose of holding the dowry.

The trousseau included all the clothing and property which a bride brought with her to the marriage. Today, the trousseau includes all wedding and shower gifts as well as new purchases.

WEDDING BANNS

This is an announcement of an impending wedding in the Catholic Church. This announcement usually takes place for three consecutive Sundays. Its purpose was to inform the public with enough notice of the pending wedding so if anyone objected to the marriage, they could do so.

BRIDAL GOWN (WHITE)

There was a time when the bride would wear her favorite dress to the ceremony. In 1840, Queen Victoria wore an elegant all white gown to her wedding. She started a fashion trend which quickly caught on and continues to this very day. White was worn because people believed it represented affluence, virginity and purity.

THE BRIDAL VEIL

The origin of the wedding veil is unclear but it is thought that it predates the wedding dress by centuries. One explanation is that it is a relic of the days when a groom would throw a blanket over the head of the woman of his choice when he captured her and carted her off. Another explanation is that during the times of arranged marriages, the bride’s face was covered until the groom was committed to her at the ceremony - so it would be too late for him to run off if he didn’t like the look of her! It is also thought that the veil was worn to protect the bride from evil spirits that would be floating around on her wedding day. Traditionally the bridal veil was a symbol for modesty, respect and virginity. The veil served as a reminder to all witnessing the ceremony that the physical relationship was entered into only after the vows were exchanged and the marriage became official with the seal of a kiss. The veil was removed after the vows were exchanged and the couple was pronounced "Man and Wife."

BRIDAL FLOWERS

The carrying of flowers by the bride has its roots in ancient times when it was believed that strong smelling herbs and spices would ward off and drive away evil spirits, bad luck and ill health. Garlic and chives were also popular for the same reason. During Roman times, this tradition was extended, with the bride and groom wearing floral garlands signifying new life and hope for fertility. The bouquet in particular symbolized a women in bloom. During Victorian times, flowers took on an additional significance as lovers would send messages to each other using different flowers, with each flower having its own meaning. These associations were soon adopted for the bride’s bouquet and are still used today by many brides. The most popular flowers with their traditional meanings are:

Apple Blossom - Better things to come

Camelia - Gratitude

Carnation - Fascination and love

Chrysanthemum (red) - I love you

Chrysanthemum (white) - Truth

Cyclamen - Modesty and shyness

Daffodil - Regard

Daisy - Innocence

Fern - Fascination and sincerity

Flowering Almond - Hope

Forget-me-not - True love and remembrance

Heliotrope - Devotion and faithfulness

Honeysuckle - Generosity

Hyacinth - Loveliness

Hydrangea - Boastfulness

Iris - Warmth of affection

Ivy - Eternal fidelity

Japonica - Loveliness

Jasmine - Amiability

Lemon Blossom - Fidelity in love

Lilac (white) - Youthful innocence

Lily - Majesty

Lily-of-the-valley - Return of happiness

Magnolia - Perseverance

Maidenhair - Discretion

Mimosa - Sensitivity

Orange Blossom - Purity and virginity

Peach Blossom - Captive

Rose (red) - Love

Rose (white) - Worthiness

Rose (other colors) - Love and beauty

Rosemary - Remembrance

Snowdrop - Hope

Sweet Pea - Delicate pleasures

Tulip - Love

Veronica - Fidelity

Violet - Faithfulness

SOMETHING OLD, NEW, BORROWED AND BLUE

The full wording of this popular bridal attire rhyme, which dates back to the Victorian times is ‘something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a silver sixpence in your shoe’.

Something old refers to wearing something that represents a link with the bride’s family and her old life. Usually, the bride wears a piece of family jewelry or maybe her mother’s or grandmother’s wedding dress.

Wearing something new represents good fortune and success in the bride’s new life. The bride’s wedding dress is usually chosen, if purchased new, but it can be any other new item of the bride’s wedding attire.

Wearing something borrowed, which has already been worn by a happy bride at her wedding, is meant to bring good luck to the marriage. Something borrowed could be an item of bridal clothing, a handkerchief or an item of jewelry.

Wearing something blue dates back to biblical times when the color blue was considered to represent purity and fidelity. Over time this has evolved from wearing a blue clothing to wearing a blue band around the bottom of the bride’s dress and to modern times where the bride wears a blue or blue trimmed garter.

In England placing a silver sixpence in the bride’s shoe is a symbol of wealth. This is not just to bring the bride financial wealth but also a wealth of happiness and joy throughout her married life.

THE WEDDING CEREMONY

Wedding March

The traditional church wedding features two bridal marches, by two different classical composers. The bride walks down the aisle to the majestic, moderately paced music of the "Bridal Chorus" from Richard Wagner’s 1848 opera "Lohengrin. The newlyweds exit to the more jubilant, upbeat strains of the "Wedding March" >From Felix Mendelssohn’s "A Midsummer Night’s Dream."

The custom dates back to the royal marriage, in 1858, of Victoria, princes s of Great Britain, and Empress of Germany, to Prince Frederick William of Prussia. Victoria, eldest daughter of Britain’s Queen Victoria, selected the music herself. A patron of the arts, she valued the works of Mendelssohn and practically venerated those of Wagner. Given the British penchant for copying the monarchy, soon brides throughout the Isles, nobility and commoners alike, were marching to Victoria’s drummer, establishing a Western wedding tradition.

BRIDESMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN

The bridal party has many origins, one of which comes from the Anglo Saxon days. When the groom was about to capture his bride, he needed the help of his friends, the "bridesmen" or "brideknights". They would make sure the bride got to the church and to the groom’s house afterwards. The bride also had women to help her, the "bridesmaids" or "brideswomen".

CHILD ATTENDANTS

Children were originally included in the ceremony to add innocence.

THE BEST MAN

During ancient times when women were in short supply, the groom captured his bride-to-be from a neighboring village. The future bridegroom, accompanied by a male companion, seized any young girl who had strayed from the safety of her parental home. Our custom of a "best man" is a relic of that two-man, strong-armed tactic; for such an important task, only the best man would do.

A best man around AD 200 carried more than a ring. Since there remained the real threat of the bride’s family attempting to forcibly gain her return, the best man stayed by the groom’s side throughout the marriage ceremony, alert and armed. He also might serve as a sentry outside the newlyweds’ home. Of course, much of this is German folklore, but it is not without written documentation and physical artifacts. For instance, the threat of recapture by the bride’s family was perceived as so genuine that beneath the church altars of many early peoples - including the Huns, the Goths, the Visigoths, and the Vandals - lay an arsenal of clubs, knives, and spears.

FATHER GIVING THE BRIDE AWAY

This custom originally had it’s roots in arranged marriages where the bride was considered property. Later, this custom persisted as a symbol with two meanings:

an endorsement by the father to all witnessing the ceremony that the groom is the best choice for his daughter. an offering to the groom: "I am presenting to you my daughter."

WHY THE BRIDE STANDS ON THE LEFT

During the marriage ceremony, the bride stands on the left and the groom on the right. The origin of this goes back to the days when a groom would capture his bride by kidnapping her. If the groom had to fight off other men who also wanted her as their bride, he would hold his bride-to-be with his left hand allowing his right hand to be free to use his sword.

WHITE AISLE RUNNER

The white aisle runner symbolized God’s holiness and walking on holy ground. It is believed that marriage is not just between two individuals but includes the presence of God who is actively involved in the marriage ceremony.

TAKING OF EACH OTHER’S RIGHT HAND

The open right hand is a symbol of strength, resource and purpose. The coming together of both right hands is a symbol that both the bride and the groom can depend on each other and the resources that each brings to the marriage. It also represents the merger of their lives together into one.

GROOM GIVES FIRST VOWS

Because he is the initiator, he is the first to state his vow for marriage. As the initiator of the covenant, the groom is to assume the greatest responsibility in the marriage.

HUPPAH

In the Jewish religion, the ceremony takes place as the couple stands under an ornamental canopy. This canopy symbolized nomadic tents of Israel and the new home that the couple would soon share.

THIRD FINGER, LEFT HAND

A bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring are traditionally worn on the third finger of the left hand (the finger next to your little finger). Although there is no precise evidence to explain the origin of this tradition, there are two strongly held beliefs. The first, dating back to the 17th century, is that during a Christian wedding the priest arrived at the forth finger (counting the thumb) after touching the three fingers on the left hand ‘...in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost’. The second belief refers to an Egyptian belief that the ring finger follows the vena amoris, that is, the vein of love that runs directly to the heart.

WEDDING RING

The marriage ring represents a promise for eternal and everlasting love. It is a representation of the promises joining both the bride and groom together. The wedding ring is placed on the fourth finger of the right hand because it was traditionally believed that this finger was a direct connection to the heart—the perfect place to place a symbol, representing eternal love and commitment.

FIRST KISS

No ceremony is complete without the kiss. In fact, there was a time when an engagement would be null and void without one. Dating back from early Roman times, the kiss represented a legal bond that sealed all contracts.

PRONOUNCED "MAN AND WIFE"

This is the point of time when the marriage becomes official. It is also at this point that the bride officially changes her name.

BREAKING OF GLASS

A Jewish tradition that represents the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem. Many times couple save the pieces of glass from the ceremony in a symbolic box.

UNITY CANDLE

The unity candle is a symbol of family unity. Usually a single candle (representing the newly married couple) is lit with two individual candles, each representing the bride’s and groom’s families.

ARCH OF SWORDS FOLLOWING CEREMONY

Walking through the arc of swords following the ceremony was done to ensure the couple’s safe passage into their new life together.

RECEIVING LINE

This is a chance for the guests to congratulate and greet the newly married couple and their parents.

RECEPTION
 
FOOD AND WINE

The reception is the official celebration of the new couple. The wedding cake represents the sharing of the bride and groom’s body to become one. The drinking of wine symbolizes the sharing of the bride’s and groom’s life together with God.

WEDDING CAKES

A wedding just wouldn’t be complete without fertility symbols, like the wedding cake. Ancient Romans would bake a cake made of wheat or barley and break it over the bride’s head as a symbol of her fertility. It became tradition to pile up several small cakes, one on top of the other, as high as they could, and the bride and groom would kiss over the tower and try not to knock it down. If they were successful, it meant a lifetime of prosperity. During the reign of King Charles II of England, it became customary to turn this cake into an enjoyably edible palace, iced with white sugar.

FIRST ON THE DANCE FLOOR

At the evening celebrations, the bride and groom traditionally dance first on their own to a waltz. However, as ballroom dancing is not so popular these days, the newlyweds usually dance to a favorite romantic song. During the playing of this song, it is traditional for the couple to dance the complete song alone. After the first dance, the bride and her father or brother dance followed by the groom and his mother.

SIGNING OF THE GUEST BOOK

The signing of the marriage certificate documents a public record of the marriage. The guest book was a record of all people who witnessed the wedding. For that reason, the guest book is supposed to be signed following the official wedding ceremony.

THROWING OF THE GARTER BELT

This ritual dates back to a time when woman wore hose with a garter belt. It was a chance for the single men to share in the good fortune of the groom. Today, it is believed that the man who catches the garter when it is thrown will be the next to marry. In the 14th century, is was customary for the bride to toss her garter to the men, but sometimes the men got too drunk, and would become impatient and try to take the garter off her ahead of time. It got to be less trouble for her just to toss the bridal bouquet.

FLOWERS AND THE TOSSING OF THE BOUQUET

Flowers were incorporated into the ceremony because they represent fertility, purity, new life and never ending love. Traditionally, bouquets were a mixture of flowers and herbs. Dill was a very popular choice as an herb because it was believed to promote lust. Following the ceremony, the dill was eaten for that purpose.

Tossing of the bridal bouquet is a custom which has it’s roots in England. It was believed that the bride could pass along good fortune to others. In order to obtain this fortune, spectators would try to tear away pieces of the bride’s clothing and flowers. In an attempt to get away, the bride would toss her bouquet into the crowd. Tradition says that the single women who catches the bouquet is the one who receives the bride’s fortune and will marry next.

THE GRAND EXIT AFTER THE RECEPTION

Traditionally, old shoes were tied to the back of the car to represent the transfer of property from the father of the bride to the groom. Horn honking, the shooting off of firecrackers and ringing of bells were a means to protect the bride by warding off evil spirits.

THROWING OF RICE, FLOWERS

When thrown as the couple exited the church, throwing of rice and flowers represented the wish for the couple to have a fruitful and plentiful life together. Originally rice and wheat were thrown over the married couple to represent the hope for fertility.

When rose pedals are thrown before the bride as she walks down the aisle, it is to ward-off evil spirits below the ground and grant fertility.

THROWING CONFETTI

Throwing confetti over newly weds originated from the ancient Pagan rite of showering the happy couple with grain to wish upon them a ‘fruitful’ union. Pagans believed that the fertility of the seeds would be transferred to the couple on whom they fell. The throwing of rice has the same symbolic meaning.

The word confetti has the same root as the word confectionery in Italian and was used to describe ‘sweetmeats’ that is, grain and nuts coated in sugar that were thrown over newly weds for the same Pagan reason. In recent years, small pieces of colored paper have replaced sweetmeats, grain and nuts as an inexpensive substitute but the use of the word confetti has remained.

WEDDING FAVORS

Wedding favors are momentos of the special occasion given to each wedding guest to thank them for sharing the momentous occasion with the bride and groom.

FOLLOWING THE RECEPTION

SHOES TIED TO BUMPER

Tying shoes to the bumper of the car represents the symbolism and power of shoes in ancient times. Egyptians would exchange sandals when they exchanged goods, so when the father of the bride gave his daughter to the groom, he would also give the brides sandals to show that she now belonged to the groom. In Anglo Saxon times, the groom would tap the heel of the bride’s shoe to show his authority over her. In later times, people would throw shoes at the couple, and now we just tie shoes to their car.

CARRYING THE BRIDE OVER THE THRESHOLD

There seems to be two explanations for this tradition where the groom carries his bride over the threshold when entering their home as a married couple for the first time. The first is to protect the bride from evil spirits that were thought to be lying in wait under the threshold. The second explanation relates to Roman times when it was believed that if the bride stumbled when entering the newlywed’s home for the first time, it would bring bad luck and harm to their marriage. So carrying the bride across the threshold would prevent this from happening (although we haven’t established the likely outcome to the marriage if the groom stumbled while carrying the bride!

HONEYMOON

This was a chance for the new couple to hide from family and friends for a period of time.

SHIVARE

This custom dates back from the Middle Ages. A group of friends would gather and bang on pots and pans, shoot off guns, etc. to disturb the newlywed couple on their wedding night.

VALENTINES DAY

Once married, remembering Valentines Day is a requirement. But who was St. Valentine? One story is that during the days of Emperor Claudius, war was raging, and Claudius thought that bachelor soldiers would fight harder so he outlawed marriage, so St. Valentinus, a priest, would marry people secretly. Another story says that Valentinus was a christian who refused to worship pagan gods and was imprisoned. During this time, he made friends with the jailer’s blind daughter and cured her through prayer. When he was executed, on February 14, he left a note for her singed, "your Valentine".

INTERNATIONAL TRADITIONS

Following is a list traditions, customs and rituals throughout the world.

Some of these are still followed at weddings today.

If an English bride passed a chimney sweep on her way to the church, and the chimney sweep kissed her, it was considered good luck.

In Holland and Switzerland a pine tree, a symbol of fertility and luck, was once planted outside a new couple’s home.

In South Africa, both bride’s and groom’s parents carried a fire from the hearths of their own homes and took this fire to the new couple’s home to begin the fire in their home.

In Armenia, two white doves were set free to symbolize love and happiness.

The wedding cake in Bermuda was a multi-level fruitcake and included a small cedar tree on top. This tree was planted and is

supposed to grow with the love of the bride and groom.

In Japan, brides change their bridal attire several times throughout the wedding day.

In England, the bride wouldn’t allow her married name to be used before the wedding for it was considered bad luck.

In Italy, the groom’s tie was cut into pieces and sold to the guests at the reception. The money earned is used for the honeymoon. Flowers decorated the front of the bridal car in Italy so that the bride and groom would have happy travels throughout life together.

In Japan, ducks or a goose and gander were included in the processional because they mate for life and are a symbol for fidelity.

In Poland, guests paid to dance with the bride and this money is used for the honeymoon.

During the reception in Spain, wedding guests danced a special dance and then present gifts to the bride.

An early American custom—the bride pinned a small pouch to her wedding petticoat. This pouch contained a small piece of bread, cloth, wood and a single one-dollar bill. This ensured that there would be enough food, clothes, shelter and money for the future couple.